The Stages of Grief

It’s Memorial Day morning and I am preparing to go to a parade for work.

As I begin to think about where I want to stop for breakfast and coffee, I realize that I absolutely cannot give in to my usual desire for a Starbucks cafe misto and an impossible breakfast sandwich. I was already in residual pain from the band trip last weekend where I indulged in all sorts of sweet and crunchy snacks. As a result, I slept away several hours because of exhaustion, and popped more Tylenol with codeine than I would like, just to be able to stand for more than 5 minutes without pain.

In a previous blog, I mentioned that I was a sweets addict. When I am resisting sweets, I turn to carbs and crunchy salty things. Basically, I replace one addiction for another. Well, this particular morning, I was at rock bottom. I know I simply can’t have any processed food, meat, or dairy however, something in my brain tells me I need it for comfort. I stood in my kitchen and began to cry because I was forced to make a fresh and healthy smoothie instead of making my Starbucks run. At that moment I knew I was in the grieving process.

The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. My colleague mentioned this to me when I was in the bargaining stage. Now as I reflect, I was in denial for a long time. I figured I could eat certain foods in moderation. Then I became angry that I couldn’t eat what I wanted like everyone else. Then I would strike deals with myself, like I would have sweets on the weekends if I could behave during the week. This was very short lived.

Right now, I’m in an overlapping space of depression and acceptance. I’m sad that I can’t eat the standard American diet, although I know how harmful it is. As I was making my smoothie, in a top-of-the-line Blendtec blender, using organic coconut milk, organic strawberries and bananas, organic hemp seeds and organic kale, I processed the audacity of my tears over these first world problems. I poured my mixture into a new hydro flask and quickly wiped my tears, realizing that my body is a temple and God designed me in such a way that my body would give several warnings that would prevent me from “trashing it”. I just happen to live in a country that encourages its citizens to “trash” their bodies for the capital gain of those in charge of our economy.

The system works so well. So many of us are stressed, overworked, underpaid, and in constant need for immediate gratification. To meet that need, we have several fast-food chains and commercials that tell you how much you want these dopamine boosters. If you ask me, most of America is in the denial stage. They don’t want to accept what this food is doing to us. It makes them feel good; and we all need to feel good, but at what cost? There are so many other ways to feel good, but it takes time. It takes time to exercise, spend time with friends, meditate, play a game, craft or just laugh. It takes time, but can we afford NOT to invest in our health and well-being. Too many of us are taking the shortcut. Yeah, a danish is quicker but what is the cost?

This blog is helping me to step into the acceptance stage with wisdom and gratitude. I hope that it helps someone who is in a similar position, where your body is rejecting harmful foods. I hope you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Think of it this way, high end vehicles take premium gas, and you are a premium temple. Use the fuel that God intended, and you will extend the life of your engine. You owe it to yourself…and to your creator. There is so much work still to do.